jokesradar.com
Blonde jokes are a joke cycle based on a stereotype of a dumb blonde woman.[1]
These jokes about people, generally women, who have blonde hair serve as a form of blonde versus brunette rivalry. They are often considered to be derogatory as many are mere variants on traditional ethnic jokes or jests about other identifiable groups that would be considered more offensive (such as Italian jokes involving Carabinieri).
In some cases, jokes about stereotypically stupid people have circulated since the seventeenth century with only the wording and targeted groups changed.[2]
Some blonde jokes rely on sexual humour to portray or stereotype their subjects as promiscuous.[3] Many of these are rephrased sorority girl or Essex girl jokes.[2]
LET’S START
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One blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said… FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
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One blonde tells another “I just took a pregnancy test”
The other replies: “Were the questions hard?”
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A blonde and a redhead are walking past a flower shop, and the redhead says “ugh I hate it when my husband buys me flowers. I don’t like lying on my back with my legs in the air for 3 days.” The blonde replies ” dont you have a vase?”
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A blonde woman had gotten sick of hearing all the jokes about blondes being dumb.
She decided to prove a point and went home one night to study all the world capitals of every country.
The next day at work she overheard some guys cracking more typical blonde jokes.
She said to them, “You know that’s just a stereotype. Blondes can actually be quite educated and intelligent. As a matter of fact, I can tell you the capital of any country in the world.”
Intrigued, one of the coworkers asked, “Alright then, what’s the capital of Spain?”
The blonde quickly replied, “Easy, that one’s an ‘S’.”
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A blonde goes to the store and says to the clerk, “I would like to buy that television” and the clerk says “I’m sorry we can’t sell to blondes.” She’s offended so she finds another clerk and says “excuse me, I would like to buy that television” and the clerk says, “I’m sorry we can’t sell to blondes.”
So the blonde goes and gets a brunette wig and puts it on and goes and finds a clerk who hasn’t seen her before and says, “excuse me I would like to buy that television” and the clerk says, “I’m sorry we can’t sell to blondes” and she says, “how did you know I was blonde?”
Clerk says “because that’s a microwave oven.”
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A blonde enters a store for musical instrumens. She says to the clerk:”I want that red trumpet and the white accordion”
The clerk answers:”You can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator remains on the wall”
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A blonde is sick and tired of all the jokes and stereotypes against blonds, so she decides to go and dye her hair. Afterward, she feels so good and decides to go for a drive in the country and rents a convertible to do so.
After driving out of the city, she eventually has to stop as a herd of sheep are crossing the road. She’s feeling particularly good today, so she calls over the shepherd and proposes a wager. “If I can guess exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, would you allow me to pick a sheep to take home with me?” Obviously, the shepherd thinks she couldn’t guess in one try, so he says sure, why not.
The blonde then looks over the flock briefly, then says “357!”
The shepherd shocked says, “That’s right. Well I’ll keep my end of the deal, go ahead and pick any sheep you want”. The blonde looks around and sees one that looks more lively and playful than the rest, so she decides on that one.
“OK, now that you made a bet with me, it’s only fair to let me make a wager with you.” The blonde thinks for a bit then says sure, that seems fair. So the shepherd leans in to her car and says,” if I can guess your true hair color, can I get my dog back?”
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A blonde is driving down a road in the countryside and out in one field, she sees a blonde in a row boat, just rowing away as if her life depended on it. She immediately gets furious and screeches to a halt on the side of the road. She jumps out of her truck and stamps over the the fence line and yells at the blonde in the row boat until she gets her attention. When she finally does she tells her, “You know, it’s fucking dumb ass blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! ….and if I knew how to swim….”
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A brunette comes in her blonde roommates bedroom early one morning. Blonde: “where were you last night?” Brunette: ” so I totally spent the whole night banging a sexy Brazilian.” Blonde: ” you SLUT!! THAT MANY? IN ONE NIGHT?!”
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Did you hear about the two blonds who were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in? Apparently they had gone to see the movie advertised on the marquee, “Closed for Winter”.
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How do you tell that a blonde owns a vibe?
Her teeth are chipped.
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A blonde is sitting in a boat in a field and paddling. Another blonde is driving a car on a road nearby. When she sees the blonde in the boat, she gets angry and shouts at her: “Hey! Stop ridiculing us, or I’ll swim to you and slap you!”
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A blond and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river. The brunette yells out” How do I get to the other side?”
The blond yells back, “You are on the other side!”
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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”
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Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
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Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”
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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?” The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”
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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
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A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”
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