jokesradar.com
“80+ Adult Jokes: Get ready to chuckle, blush, and maybe even snort with laughter with this collection of hilarious and risqué humor! From clever wordplay to cheeky innuendos, these jokes are strictly for grown-ups who aren’t afraid to indulge in some naughty fun. Whether you’re sharing a drink with friends or looking to spice up date night, these jokes are guaranteed to elicit some knowing smiles and maybe even a few eye rolls. So sit back, relax, and prepare yourself for a wild ride through the comedic side of adulthood!”
LET’S START
“If you want to look like a white man, then at least take off your scalp.”
“Firefighter entering the house, did not expect such a warm welcome.”
“A real man never looks for his socks in the morning! Because he sleeps in them.”
“Patience is not a virtue, but a hidden form of masochism.”
“In relation to curtains, cats have a high cohesion coefficient.”
“Compromising evidence is the best means to reach a compromise. On your own terms.”
“What can’t two women do if they’re alone?”
Shut up.
“I tried to recover from bestiality, but all my efforts went down the drain.”
“Did you buy a heater?”
“Yeah! Three bottles!”
“Some people get tired at work, some people get tired from work…”
“The greenhouse effect – the more your brains are powdered, the faster they boil.”
“With the advent of fashion for tattoos, idiots began to be identified unmistakably…”
“A fool is someone who thinks differently from all the other fools.”
“A guide dog has lost its owner and now takes anyone home.”
“A lie detector is called a polygraph, a lie generator is called a television.”
“There are no difficulties that we cannot create.”
“To enter a university you need good knowledge, knowledge and again money!”
“Do you want to get rid of your enemies? Lend them money!”
“Women don’t follow bad advice, they get ahead of it…”
“Pickup is for the poor. The girls pick up the rich ones themselves.”
“The most far-sighted were the monkeys who managed not to become humans.”
“The creative crisis of a porn actress is when everything goes wrong.”
“A man’s main sexual organ is his wallet.”
“Beautiful women lead into a romantic fog, and practical women lead to the altar.”
“Conscience is a strange thing. It tortures not those who need it, but those who have it.”
“The car burns at an average rate of one hundred bucks per second.”
“The beaver conceived a plan of revenge after seeing his missing grandfather on the hunter’s head.”
“Some show business stars are famous simply because they are famous.”
“If you are already in prison, then sit quietly and don’t crow.”
“I hate it when you come to some public place and there are people.”
“Memory usually obligingly erases what needs to be understood.”
“For technical reasons, the light at the end of the tunnel is temporarily turned off.”
“I want it to be expensive and nice, but I only have money for cheap and cheerful…”
“Where do you have so many enemies?”
“I’m sociable.”
“For people who don’t study magic, the world is full of physics.”
“If animals don’t want to be eaten, then why are they made of food?”
“Stop sending me utility bills. It’s not pleasant.”
“What is our life? Side effects from having sex…”
“New diet for weight loss: you can eat everything… but you can’t swallow…”
“I was an obedient boy from an intelligent family. I went to school without a knife.”
“Everything has gone too far to press “Cancel”.”
“A polite taxi driver always asks before sex”
– Where are you going?
“He was so hospitable that he even loaded his gun with bread and salt.”
“Difficulties make you stronger, but it’s better to turn on the heating on time.”
“The husband often returns late from the dolphinarium with very stupid excuses.”
“Hello! Is this the Ministry of Goodness and Understanding? “
“Fuck you, we’re having lunch!”
“The duck hunter, after a misfire, gets upset.”
“After a misfire, a bear hunter has no time to be upset.”
“He was married for the fifth time, had a fifth wife and a fifth mother-in-law, and therefore understood witches better than the Inquisition.”
“I want to marry you… but I understand… that my desire alone is not enough… so I took a gun…”
“Be tolerant. Worms also need somewhere to live.”
Depression is when you root for maniacs in movies.
“Honey, if I wanted to cum from one message, what would you send?”
“The mortgage has been paid.”
“Do you know what’s scarier than the Chinese alphabet?”
“What?”
“Chinese Morse code.”
– Mom read on the Internet that celery is healthy.
– And what? Is she eating it now?
– Now, we eat it.
Vagina is like the weather. When it gets wet, it’s time to go inside.
Labor has made from a monkey a tired monkey!
If size doesn’t matter, why doesn’t anyone make seven-centimeter vibrators?\
I decided not to swear anymore.
Now I sit and remain silent.
I have nothing more to say to this world.
It’s hard to be a middle-level manager: there are assholes above you, and assholes below you.
– What do your tattoos mean?
– Violation of safety precautions when working with a welding machine.
The protesters can’t get to the White House because there are stores in their way all the time.
After operation:
– Doctor, how was the operation?
– What kind of doctor am I to you, my son, I am the Apostle Peter…
“The wax museum workers only realized on the third day that the cashier had died.”
– Mom, am I stupid?
– Stupid, I’m dad!
The son asks his mother: – Mom, what is sclerosis?
Mom: – What did you ask?
Son: – When?
– Why is sperm in a sperm bank more expensive than blood in a blood bank?
– Handmade…
I don’t trust fat vegetarians.
During a Latin exam, a failed student accidentally summoned the devil.
Evolution, evolution… Glass is already 4000 years old, and flies are still hitting it!
A claustrophobic man, putting on a sweater, screams for a while.
“The level of intellectual development of a person can be very easily determined by his questions.”
“What?”
After Guliver suffered from dysentery, he was remembered for a long time in the land of Lilliput.
“Can you tell me the time?”
“I don’t have a watch. I used them once… waterproof, dustproof and shockproof.”
“Well, where are they?”
“Burned…”
Two policemen go to arrest an armed criminal in an apartment.
One says to the other: “You go first and remember I will avenge you.”
Optimism is a lack of information.
“All women dream of an affectionate and gentle lover. But, unfortunately, affectionate and gentle men already have lovers.”
An American is flying on a Russian airline. A flight attendant approaches him and asks:
“Would you like to have lunch?”
“What can I choose?”
“Yes or no. “
“Dear girls!
If you have small breasts, crooked legs and an ugly face:
Cut down forests – take revenge on nature!”
Loneliness is when there is no one to pick you up from the morgue.
Teresa and Leon live in complete harmony: the same tastes, the same ideas, the same desires. Only it took Leon five years to adapt to this.
“It seems that I began to understand, what virtual communication is.
I have a lot of friends, but no one to fuck with.”
“My neighbor was a vampire!”
“How did you know this?”
“ I drove an aspen stake into his chest, and he died… “
Q: What is an ultimate trust?
A: When two cannibals have oral sex.
“Tell me, what forces you to get drunk every day?”
“Nothing forces me, I’m a volunteer.”
“Guys, the wife kicked me out of the house!”
“What, are you married?”
“Who said it was mine?”
To the grandson’s question: What is experience? , I explained that experience is what you get without getting what you wanted…
“Spread the laughter, share the joy!”
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